Thursday, March 18, 2010

Army this, Army that.

Ever since I found out that Marcus's AIT has most likely been extended I have been thinking about how in the world I am going to do it without him until September or early October. That is like 3-4 months of Aiden's life that he will be missing. It feels like I can't do all of this without him. So my dad suggested today that maybe I move down there once Aiden is born-just for a few months while he is finishing his training. There are a few problems to that though that I have been pondering.

1. I will be living ALONE with a newborn with no close family around (sure it is only like 7 hours away, but I still don't know how well that will work)
2. I don't know how leases work when you are in the Army. Could I just break a lease once the training is over and we have our orders to go somewhere else?
3. I don't know what I would do down there really. I mean I have "met" a few of the wives (over Facebook at least) of the guys that Marcus has gotten really close to at basic and will be going with him to AIT, but I don't know anyone that could watch Aiden if I got a job or anything to pass the time since, from what I have heard, Marcus only gets the weekends off.
4. I feel like being at home right now with my parents for the last time is kinda preparing me for moving away, because who knows how far away we will be stationed and both Marcus's and my parents are saying how they haven't even met their grandchild yet and they are having to prepare to not see him very much. It just kinda makes me sad and I guess I have been thinking that a few more months here will give them at least a little time with him.

I don't know. I have been going back and forth with this all day. I know he would love us being down there and being able to spend time with him on his weekends off and I would feel a lot more at ease being close to him, but at the same time it may be just too hard with a little one and the fact that I have never lived anywhere else but here is kinda playing a role too I guess. 



Sometimes I feel like all these separation anxieties are driving me insane. I am trying to figure out what in the world God is trying to teach us from all of this, but obviously he doesn't want us to know yet! I pray and pray every day that he shows me what to do and so far I have felt like he has been telling me just to go with the flow. Now I don't even know. I guess all these changes and everything can get overwhelming at times. In the end though, I know that they are making our relationship stronger than ever. We are learning every day to trust each other even more than we already do and well the distance is just pulling us closer together. It is still tough though. Some days I just feel overwhelmed by everything. In the end though, this was Marcus's decision. He believes that it is what is best for us and our soon to be family and well I trust him. I am so proud of him too. He is working his butt off to learn to serve our country and seeing him come home in uniform will be well worth it. <3